Single-handedly Remedying Summer Listlessness

The single life offers many simple pleasures--not the least of these being a gratuitous amount of time with which to pursue selfish and often meaningless activities. Some singletons are beckoned by the call of war-mongering video games each day after work. For others, the humiliating and unconscionable act of dressing cats in “adorable outfits” will fill every unused hour until somebody finally (and inexplicably) “puts a ring on it”. With my free time, I MAKE LISTS.

No, not because I love crossing off meticulously crafted “To-Do” items ; although, I won’t deny that there is a certain arousal which accompanies the merciless and inky slashing of a formerly onerous task. But practical lists have a time-sensitive usefulness and I much prefer to accompany my bullets with a more impractical and useless yet nostalgic set of concepts.
A Few of My Favorite Kerri-Authored lists.
• Things to do Before I die (refusing to call this a “bucket list” because:
a. I came up with it when I was 5, long before Mr. Freeman started taking all the credit, AND
b. I somehow find it untoward to include a reference to the gruesome act of death by hanging, into my everyday vernacular)
• My Friends (this is exactly what you think it is—a throwback to an oft maligned grade-school practice of mine. You decide if it is charming or tragic.) Incidentally, blog commenters have been doing very well on this list as of late.
• My Favorite Words (illustrious, disillusioned, penultimate, sophomoric, loquacious, rotund, disenchanted, non-sensical, amorous, malcontent, misanthrope august and angst to name a few…tell me if these show up with too much regularity in these musings---ooh, muse, that is a nice one too!)
• Pet Peeves ( Perhaps the most gratifying of all lists, because there is nothing like formally documenting for oneself these insidious and recurring provocateurs of unmerited rage.)

And now my most recent and new favorite list, for your consideration, is --Schmet Schmeeves! My friend John Malkovich recently introduced me to this concept as a sort of answer to the Pet Peeve list. Schmet Schmeeves are those random and inexplicable personal delights that we all experience each day. Below, you will see my list in its infancy. Let me know what would be at the top of your S.S. list!

My Schmet Schmeeves
• When people use crisp and prolonged “s” sounds in their speech
• Stepping on Acorns
• Clenched Jaws
• The experience of a muted world afforded by underwater swimming
• Skipping
• Watching toddlers’ first encounters with infants (smaller than me?)
• Walls made of mirrors
• The sound of one’s own name spoken by a loved one
• Frostys
• Being caught in the rain
• The taste of tears
• Hugging someone and hearing their heart beating

Word of Warning: There are those in my community, Brad Pitt included, that take issue with this name “Schmet Schmeeve” because of the use of “Sh” tacked on to the words’ front ends—a language tool which is traditionally used to mock or somehow slight the word to which it is attached. I have no such problem at this time and find it linguistically acceptable to use the “sh” function when referring to these little joys. However, if you are of the Pitt Ilk feel free to rename your list in a way which is suitable to you. Now hurry up and start basking in the acknowledgement of all of your own simple pleasures!