Sunday, November 28, 2010

R.I.P. My Dreams!

It probably goes without saying that I am in love with almost every semi-youthful, semi-not-disgusting male comedian on the planet, right? Obviously my first and true love is Conan. But guess what? He is married.

Jimmy Fallon? Married.

Stephen Colbert? Married.

Jon Stewart? Married.

Jesse Carey, (who is actually a writer for Relevant Magazine but funny enough to be a comedian)? Married!

And, fortunately or unfortunately depending on your worldview, I am not in the habit of going after married men, even in my imaginings.

But, there has always been one lovely hunk of funny who I could really depend on for my “I am going to become famous one day and then I will totally be in his league” fantasies. That man is Mr. Seth Meyer, head writer for television’s longest running and most well respected sketch comedy show, Saturday Night live. He is the anchor for Weekend Update and to date the funniest guest on late night television shows, in my less than humble opinion.

I also understand, from my faithful attending to each and every interview he has ever given, that his is a family of sports watchers, particularly football, which is a nice bonus to his already ample offerings of looks and comedy. And, because it is completely reasonable ,I always project onto all my celebricrushes a latent Christianity just ready to burst forth once they settle in with a nice down-to-earth, refreshingly “Jesus-ey” kind of girl such as myself. So that settles that issue, and all is well in dreamville.


I am youtube stalking him last night as a part of my things I am thankful for online musings, when what should my ears hear from his sweet wit-soaked lips, but the dreaded words of fake-crush death—

My girlfriend and I…..

What?!?! Seth Myers has a girlfriend? Well Seth, why hasn’t she come up in your dozens of late night interviews? Don’t you think that is a little misleading?

He continues,

Remember when I was here last year and I told you about her dad’s goat?

Last Year!?!? How did I miss this? Sure, last year was rough at this time what with Conan getting abused right in front of the whole country and all, but was I really so neglectful that I have now been imaginary cheat-dating at the expense of some poor stupid supermodel (one presumes) that is in love with Seth Myers? What’s a girl to do? Some have implied that I might have more luck in my actual dating life if I spent less energy on things of this nature, but that’s just silly. So who do you think, I should move onto next? Anybody know of any single, cute, comedians I should be obsessed with? Tell me your suggestions in the comment section!

And, be sure to check out some of the changes to my blog!

 I hope you like the new background for a new season. Also, you will notice that my posts are now organized for your reading pleasure according to the three areas of my tagline: Silliness, Singleness and Spirituality. I have also created my first of many semi-permanent blog pages entitled Single Cinema. And finally take a look at some of my favorite blogs which I finally figured out how to publicize (all of these changes are on the right hand of your screen).

What about you? Know anyone who might like August Angst? Anyone silly, single, or spiritual? Pass the word along! More readers means more feedback. More feedback means better writing. Better writing means better posts! I am Thankful for you, hope your holiday was sublime!


Thursday, November 25, 2010

Anthropomorphic Yolk ...

It has been previously publicized that my year of the man proved somewhat lacking. Even more so? My month of writing about my year of the man! However, the Lord (or perhaps just my own greed) has provided me something of a consolation prize for this time in my life and it is: Bum budda bum bum bum bum (cue your best Oprah impression)--My year of the fuuuuuuu-nnneeeeeeeee!!!!

That’s right, two jobs, bi-annual retreat planning, church life and family obligations notwithstanding, I somehow made it to see five comedians in the past five months. You will remember that this very blog sprang forth from my mind during Conan’s Legally Prohibited Tour back in May. A few months later my friend Liv got me Kathy Griffin tickets and I in return got her seats to Aziz Ansari in Houston. For my money, and please do not perceive this as comedic infidelity to my little Coco Bean, Aziz Ansari had the best show.

Conan is probably a better writer, but the variety show feel is not my preference. Let’s just keep it to the jokes sirs and madams. This is my problem with Kathy G. as well because her stories are so meandering and I am so uncertain as to whether she will ever return with the punchlines to the gabbled tale that she started half an hour ago, that I have mini panic attacks all throughout her set. Worth it? Yes!!!! But still anxiety provoking. Plus she swears an awful lot.

Aziz on the other hand, insistently dressed like an old-school haberdasher , and stood before us for an hour of pristinely delivered first-date, crazy-family, rap-culture japery that one hopes will be uploaded to the youtube sooner rather than later. Keep the funny coming , Aziz, and I think (because I cannot fit these in anywhere else) that you should name your next special Anthropomorphic Yolk.

Now for the astute mathlete out there, you realize that if my claims of 5 in 5 is literally true and not simply one of my many hyperbolic indulgences for writing’s sake , then I have yet to divulge the final pair of comedians that I have seen this fall. Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert make up that twofer completing my jowl-aching hilarity tour. In true single-lady style, I bought tickets for myself and similarly care-free buddy Christina to the Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear(Someone’s learned her lesson about showing up to these things solo!).

 Christina is my friend who hates it when people misuse the phrase “begs the question” which, I think we can all agree, begs the question: what does it mean to beg the question? I knew Christina would be a good travel companion because even despite her touch of linguistic pretension (a quality we share), he girl is not above a bit of good-natured jiggery-pokery in an effort to get the best seat possible in a crowd of 250,000. We were not, as in my prefigurement, sitting on the laps of Jon and Stephen gently wiping the sweat droplets off of their moist foreheads betwixt their dueling comedic bits, however, Christina’s sojourning spirit did get us up to the second echelon of seats, a feat which would have had me on the verge of tears within minutes, were I to have braved this journey alone.

So, there we sat listening to songs like this:

And reading signs like these:

And hearing the truth like this:

And the truth is that there is a lot to be frustrated about in life, a lot of obstacles, a lot of jerks, a lot of dissension and honestly a lot of vocabulary words that are hard to fit into one anniversary article.

But there is also a lot to talk about and write about and laugh about together. Levity is good. Life is seriously funny, even more so now that Conan O’B is back on T.V. May all of you Anniversary readers have a year of the funny in your future!

***Special thanks to Amy Adams, Brad Pitt, Laura Prepon and Drew Barrymore for providing the 13 mystery words and phrases found in this article and for being active participants in my Real Life year of the funny!