Singleness is not a monolithic state. It stands to reason that singledom is as varied as those of us who reside within its boundaries. And even within each of our own individaul experiences, we vasilate between anywhere from:Strong and Proud to Angry and Annoyed to Yes, I always cry this hard when I get down to my last Kit Kat Bar. Because of this wide chasm of experience, I have taken the liberty of preparing a cinematic guide for all my single-ladies from just after breakup all the way to life's next great adventure --be it love or education, travel or spiritual retreat. So visit this list as oft as seems fitting for your version of singleness. We will start out with...
• The Notebook- It's funny, you have no recollection of any automobile incident last evening. But as you weakly rise out of bed this morning your body is telling you with no hint of doubt that you were, in fact, the victim of a hit and run last night...only before running it would seem there was a fair amount of being backed over time and again. You are not yet ready to face the music. You aren't mad. You are exhausted. pathetically hopeful. certain that yours is a love like that of Noah and Allie.
Yes you are having a tiny parting of ways at the moment but when you are on your deathbed, you feel certain that this will be an almost indistinguishable memory when compared with the lifetime of happiness that the two of you have shared together. No evil mothers, class differences, geographic barriers or new fiances will keep you apart.
Watch Cry and Repeat until you start to sense a blind rage toward one or both of the young lovers, then m ove on to:
• Enough and/or Red Eye- Take your Pick. Do you prefer to see J-Lo. beat up her abusive ex-husband (remember that time your b.f. said you reminded him of his dog) or stick with Rachel McAdams who is feeling far less amourous in this flick with her beautiful but dangerous fellow flight passenger. (Ok, so your b.f. didn't hold you hostage in mid-air and threaten to murder your father, but c'mon he did some stuff.) Murderous wrath can be one of the most satisfying post-break up stages, but it is also very testy.
You don't want to jump out of this phase too quickly, lest you find yourself back on the tissue-drowned sofa obnoxiousy likening your ex to the unparralled beauty of Ryan Gosling. But you also don;t want to stay in this phase too long--it can become unsettling for friends and family to watch you recreate the ass-whoopings from either of these films on cardboard cutouts of the man you used to love. If and when you are ready to move into a more mature state of grieving, swing by the video store. It is time to face the music with:
• The Break Up- First of all, as long as Jennifer Aniston is single, I can rest assured that I am in good company. The woman is gorgeous and funny and can't keep a man any better than I can. In this art-mimicking life dramedy we have a first shot at seeing some of the possibilities that singleness affords. Some of us spend so much wasted energy dwelling on a perceived loss of possibilities that is associated with the single life that we neglect to see the awesomeness before us. Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughan become better people (after becoming much worse people) due to their brave go at life sans "other half". She gets out of dodge, he steps up to the plate at work, and I just keep using tired cliche's to describe them.
The point is, the single life is one of clarification. It is a gift to get to know yourself above the influence of romance. When I was with, Qualls or Edward or Justin Long, I loved them. As a single person I love me and I love God and I hate saying those things because they sound so nauseatingly Hallmark, but give singleness a try and I think a lot of you will come to agree with me.But we are only human. Emotional and Physical beings who want to get back in the dating groove. It's understandable, just be sure and watch this first:
• He’s Just not that into You- I hate to promote violence, but we all need a good slap in the face sometimes. We let our parents and our girlfriends and our hearts trick us into believing that we are the EXCEPTION, when we are the rule (or at least we MUST behave as though we are). I have seen it a million times, 12 year olds are convinced their brother's college roommate is really into them. College girls are dating guys for 4 years with not so much as a mention of marriage. Working women who feel confident that the guy from H.R. always lingers to talk when he takes his coffee break.
Here is the deal...college boys who like 12 year olds are called pedophiles, college girls who stick with guys for years without expecting commitment are called suckers and lady you are always blocking the freaking creamer, that is why he lingers whe you are in the breakroom. Could you please stand somewhere else just once!?! If you want the truth, you have found the right movie and when you are really ready to accept that you can watch the next film on our list:
• Romy and Michelle’ s Highschool Reunion or Bride Wars- Sometimes life is more about friendship than anything else. I am no man-hater. I whole-heartedly oppose the chicks before _ _ _ _ s philosophy. Although I do connect with this. But the truth is people are people and love is love and if you have been blessed with companionship of any form then you should be mid-prayer right now, thanking God for all the shoulders you have leaned on in your not-so-solitary life. And I will join you in this act of gratitude.
• 500 Days of Summer- Wow, we have really been on a journey here. Remember when you were crying in the shower and swinging a bat at your box of old love letters. You have learned how to be alone for a time, how to decipher the not so subtle hints that men send your way each day and you are learning not to discount the relational wealth in your life. Now it is time to review. What was real in your old relationships? What did you project onto them? Who and what do you want out of life and do they want you back? Joseph Gordon-Levitt is as cute as they come and Zoe D. is beautiful and hateable but also completely understandable now that you have some wisdom of the single years behind you. Don't just rent this one, buy it. Let it remind you that life has seasons and love has so many ups and downs. Let it help you forget and remember and reflect and hope.
This is my version of the journey ladies and gents. Borrow it or create your own. Let me know what you think!
Much love!
Kerri
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